The conversation about wills, power of attorney, and end-of-life wishes is one of the most important a family can have — and one of the most avoided. According to research, fewer than half of UK adults have a will, and fewer still have spoken to their family about what they want.
The reasons for avoiding it are understandable. It feels morbid. It might upset a parent. It might cause conflict. But the cost of avoidance is high: families left guessing, legal disputes, financial chaos, and decisions made under pressure by people who have no idea what their loved one would have wanted.
This guide is for anyone who knows this conversation needs to happen and doesn’t quite know how to start it.
Why this conversation matters
When someone dies without a will, their estate passes according to intestacy rules — which may have nothing to do with what they would have wanted. When someone loses mental capacity without a lasting power of attorney in place, their family cannot legally manage their affairs without a court order. Both situations are expensive, slow, and distressing.
None of this is inevitable. A single afternoon, a few forms, and a frank conversation change everything.
How to start
The most common mistake is framing the conversation around death. That triggers defensiveness and avoidance. Instead, frame it around care: “I want to make sure we can support you if anything happens.”
- Choose a calm moment — not during a health scare, not over a fraught family occasion
- Start with your own planning: “I’ve been sorting out my will — it made me realise I don’t know what you’d want”
- Ask open questions rather than making demands
- Be prepared to have several shorter conversations rather than one definitive one
When parents resist
Resistance is normal. Some parents see estate planning as giving up; others are private about money; others simply don’t want to think about it. None of these are permanent objections.
If direct conversation fails, try coming at it sideways: a news story about someone dying without a will, a friend’s experience with probate, a visit from a solicitor framed as something you’re both doing together.
The goal at first is not to get everything sorted — it’s just to open the door.
Power of attorney
A lasting power of attorney (LPA) allows someone to make decisions on another person’s behalf if they lose mental capacity. In England and Wales, there are two types: one for property and financial affairs, one for health and welfare.
Both must be set up while the person still has mental capacity. Once capacity is lost, the only route is a Court of Protection order — a process that can take months and cost thousands. Setting up an LPA now is one of the most practical things a family can do.
Wills and wishes
A valid will ensures that assets go where the person wants them to go. It also allows the person to name an executor — the person responsible for carrying out their wishes — and, if they have children under 18, to name a guardian.
For most people, a simple will is entirely sufficient. Online services like Farewill make this straightforward and affordable. For complex estates — multiple properties, business interests, blended families — a solicitor is worth the additional cost.
Next steps
- Start with one conversation, not a complete plan
- Focus on listening before problem-solving
- Offer to help with the practical steps rather than pushing for immediate action
- Know that the conversation may need to happen several times before anything changes
- If a parent is willing, book a time to sit down together and actually complete the documents